A review Dei-san may understand easier:
wa~ sore wa hontou ni okashii datta. jitsu wa kono anime ga omoshiroi kedo tenkai ga hayakute katsudou ga muimi na no kara chotto hen no kanji ga aru. tatoeba doushite raki suta no kyarakuta- ga imashita ka? sore wa chotto muimi datta.
sore ni mo kakawarazu, kaita e ga subarashii da. Dei-san wa kakuno ga yoku dekiru sou. yahari iro no erabu koto wa yokatta desu. mou senga wa nameraka datta.
shorai no anime wo tanoshimi ni matsu. ganbaruzo.
-The Ninjkabat ~ yori
How long is forever to you? A week? three days? one night? two hours? 'Cause I really can't tell how long you spent on this, although my guess is that the real answer is closer to two hours than the infinite amount of time that is forever.
Anyway, symantics aside, this was a really bad submission. Note, I didn't say that it is a bad example of flash; it does take a little bit of knowhow to program a play and stop button. But it is a bad submission. Thousands of people submit things to the portal that they shouldn't and this is one of them. At best, this is a test. It is a test of your actionscript proficiency, and one that probably should have been shared with friends and family instead of the entire internet. There is so much content on the web that people only are really interested in new and interesting things; many people have already come up with a play button, so a play button on it's own is not that interesting.
But you have said you are new to flash, so here is my advice to you: learn how to use it before you submit anything. Take a class, buy a book, look for tutorials online, do anything that will give you a comfortable foundation in flash and what it can do. Then once you know how to use it, come up with a good idea and go for it. But, as it is, the Newgrounds community doesn't want to watch you learn flash; they want to see what you're able to do once you've learned it.
So keep making tests like this, but just keep them to your friends, store them in a special file, and in two years look back at them and laugh at yourself for thinking that this was good enough to be submitted.
If this passes, it's only proof that Naruto is popular enough to overcome the fact that this submission is only 8 lines of code. It might be, but I sure hope it isn't.
Ninja don't automatically make it good
I don't want to be a jerk, but this shouldn't have been submitted. This is a test animation, at best, that should have been shared with friends and family. As it is, there is very little animation, the drawing skills are remedial at best, and the plot is nonexistant.
You need to practice for at least a year, learning how to draw and tween in flash, before you attempt to submit anything again. Not everyone can draw, but I believe that with practice, anyone can get the hang of it. You just need to put in the hard practice before your flashes will be any good.
But yeah, take it from a seasoned ninja: this movie makes me ashamed of my heritage.
Thanks for the suggestions.
Quite enjoyable. A good addition to the Siblings series. Your writing was witty, your characters believable, and the animation was of the calibur we've come to expect from your animations.
But what really struck me as particularly worthy of praise for this animation is the timing. There is something about the fast-paced, no pauses dialogue that enhances your punchlines to where they are incredibly funny. And sprinting through dialogue is not something that works for everyone with the same degree of success; but you seem to have timing under your command.
So, for what it's worth, I appreciated the timing. It's just one of those classic elements of comedy that too many writers and directors increasingly ignoring today.
Well, that's a first. I'm glad you actually enjoy the timing, I get some criticism on that factor. Nice to hear compliments on it for a change. Thanks for watching, K1rb!
Quite a treat.
Very very enjoyable Mr. Okulolo. I think what is most amazing about your work can be summed up in your attention to detail that never waivers. I think it was the loops of the pandas running, arms outstretched like birds, that made me realize it. You never cut corners, and never accept anything from the best from yourself, which is why your work gets so much deserved aclaim.
Anyway, I was just blown away again, despite the brevity. Truely Incredible.
33 ways for something to die, anyway...
Well, aside from the fact that the movie should more accurately be titled, "33 ways for a stick figure to die," there are some other things I'd like to critique.
Firstly. Stick figures. I know, "not everyone can draw." But serriously. If you're going to take the time to think up 33 ways to "kill" someone, you could spend a little more time adding clothes, or at least making them pipe-men. Your design for most of the stick figures was a little awkward too, as you atatched the legs above the bottom of the torso. This gave your stick figures a vulgar looking "third leg" which would be eliminated if you would just atatch the legs to the bottom of the torso.
Secondly, the pacing of the script. You open with a generic "stick figure dieing on a crudely drawn cliff" which immediately sets up the mood for the rest of the film as lack luster and n00bish. The most important rule for script writing is to start strong and finish stronger. If you have a very dynamic and exciting beginning and end, people won't care so much about the middle. I would have suggested starting with something like a giant explosion in the beggining to draw in your viewers. 'Cause as it is, they see another stick figure cliff flash and lose interest immediately. So work on the pacing of the script, and remember to hook in your audience.
That's pretty much all I have to say. Because I didn't watch all of it (like I said, you need to hook people), I can't critique you on all 33 ways you chose to kill stick figures. My one request is that if you decide to do something like this in the future, don't invoke the name of ninjas just to get people to vote higher on your flash. 'Cause if you named it what it was - "33 ways for a stick figure to die" - the score would be much lower, I can tell you that.
First of all, thank you for taking your time to give us advice!
Secondly, yes, we need improved drawing and less vulgarity.
You also raise a very good point about pacing of the script. I will keep it in mind!
I'm not sure people would've voted lower because of being called ninja, but you are right that we should have made the sticks look more like them.
"the return of me" calls for a return of my review
Wow. All I can say is wow. It's amazing what a google search will eventually yield. I wake up one morning to find that The Lucky Stars still have not gotten over the fact that I called them out months ago for their use of banal, grammatically incorrect Japanese to get their submissions passed.
It's good to see that you're tactics haven't changed, Lucky Stars.
And while in my review of your last submission which starred me I said that I wouldn't be leaving reviews on any of your future works, I never anticipated that I would once again serve as the driving antagonist in any more of your "animations." So, let's see what I can review about this lovely little pile.
I will start out by providing a translation (or more precisely, in some instances a translation of what I'm sure you meant to say) of the film for the benefit of other viewers who don't have any knowledge of the Japanese language.
Konata: Now the crane's level is 16
Nameless Character: Konata. Konata Izumi
Nameless: The Kernal wants to see you
Konata: Good morning.
Kernal: I am currently saying that Kirby is really gay.
Konata: Yup. Ee?
Now, the text you have on the gun, or ship, or whatever it is konata is controlling, really needs to be written in Kanji. You just wrote out hakouki phonetically, which makes translation all but impossible. Even if I could decipher how to break up the word into its components, translation is still difficult. If the word was broken up 'ha' and 'kouki' it could mean 'brightness of teeth,' 'leaf fragrance,' or even ' edge school flag.' If the word was 'hakou' and 'ki' it could mean anything from 'wave height,' to 'slugishness,' to 'economic boom.' Even if it was broken up down the middle as 'hako' and 'uki' it would still mean 'box rainy-season.' My point is, you really need to look up the kanji of the word you're trying to write.
Anyway, on with the translation:
On the console of the ship: Personal Computer
At the end: End
Ok, you only misspelled 3 words, which is about 8% of your whole movie, so that's not too bad. Level should be spelled "reberu" not "reveru," Kirby is spelled "ka-bii" not "kiyabi," and personal computer is spelled "pa-sonaru konpyu-ta-" or "pasokon" for short, not "pesonaru kon." That ends up meaning something like "persona computer." I also don't know why you use the word "kan" to end your films, as Japanese filmography traditionally uses "Owari" to signify the end of a movie.
Another note of word usage: when you called me gay, you used a very childish sounding word to do so (also, the grammar was horrible in that sentence, but bad grammar seems to be your trademark). Instead of using the word "gei" which makes you sound like a kindergartener calling someone gay, you should have used the adjective "douseiai" which is much more mature sounding. I just thought I would put my two cents in on that one.
And I think that's all I can correct with your Japanese. This is probably your most ambitious project in terms of Japanese usage, which is why I gave you one star; I believe in rewarding risks when it comes to Japanese usage. It still sucked, though.
Now for the animation: Again you used minimal symbols, still had very few independantly moving component symbols, and used a high framerate when your animation style doesn't call for it. You have seemed to improve marginally in terms of drawing, but your skills at tweening and animating are still lackluster at best. I suggest designing characters with each component, like arms and legs, on seperate layers so that they can be seperately manipulated. But who am I kidding, you probably won't ever try that hard to improve, right?
Alright, well, I'm running out of characters for this review. So, thanks again for being unable to let go of your grudge against me. It's nice to see that I still have that kind of emotional power over you. Good luck, and try to take some Japanese classes; please.
As always: stealthily yours,
-The Ninjkabat (a.k.a. k1rby)
oke! ^w^d thank you japanese master!!!
A very nice tribute
That was a very good tribute to Bill Waterson, and I actually very much enjoyed it. You were able to quite accurately imitate his style of framing on some of the shots (especially the shots from the Spaceman Spiff comic), and you did a good job of making it feel just like an animated version of the comics you based them off of.
So, good job. The musical choice was interesting, and I think it fit well with the carefree overtones of Calvin and Hobbes. It brought a smile to my evening, and I will definitely share it with some other Calvin and Hobbes fans that I know.
that makes me happy!
Very cute, very adorable. The high frame rate and nice use of motion guides really gave the animation a smooth and classic feel, and your drawing skills have improved quite a bit during your practice.
But the aspect I feel most inclined to praise you for is your concept. Too many users don't think about a script before beginning an animation project, but your had a very nicely thought out script that ultimately worked out to be sweet. True, there was a point or two where I didn't exactly understand what each character was thinking, but at least there was constant motion that was nicely timed to the music.
All in all, a good job.
thanks enormously, it means a lot that an accomplished animator such as yourself would say something like that about my flash,
self esteem, here I come!
-Little to no actual animation
-Music that was too loud
-Unoriginal, overused characters
-Little attention payed to script writing
-Zero voice acting
-Tenuous grasp of standard drawing techniques
All these are characteristics of animators who have not practiced enough, and by the looks of this animation, you need more practice.
Now I know I may sound harsh; you're probably new to flash or are 13 or both (since Naruto is predominately enjoyed by 13 year olds). My point still stands: you should practice for a long time on your own before you try submitting things. When I first got flash, I had the advantage of already being able to draw, but it still took me a long time to get anywhere near good enough to make something I was proud enough of to submit to Newgrounds. I made dozens of test animations that only myself and a few friends ever saw, and now I have an animation with a score over 4.0.
It's not a hunch, it's truth: a lot of practice is required before anyone gets good with anything artistic. Flash is no different. Sit down, draw for 6 months straight, and then try again. If you're not ready after 6 months of continuous hard work, I'll eat my hat.
I already said I made this a long time ago, geez
And about the music, I have a thought, turn your speakers down. I do enjoy the criticism but you don't know what I do today, I am a very good drawer and animator and I admit that I have grown sense I made this
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